It was scary and exciting and of course a great honor to speak at the INC (Independent National Convention) in Denver a few weeks ago. I met many intelligent people committed to helping heal our nation from a variety of angles– the ins and outs of politics, constructive uses of technology, medical choice, a return to the wisdom of nature, a new relationship to power, money and collaboration… I and several others spoke about mental health.

I shared the biggest lesson I have learned in my long career as a psychotherapist – a simple lesson, but one that is not nearly as attainable as it might appear. It is this: The best food for human beings is Love and Safe Belonging. We are mentally healthy and set up to thrive to the extent we have love and safe belonging, and we suffer, become dysfunctional and too often dangerous to the extent we don’t.

Recently, I was looking back over my whole life and I asked myself– what was most healing for me? What helped me access my greatest strengths, my deepest caring for others, my will to live? And the answer was so clear. It was the people who loved me, who saw me, valued me and included me. It was the things I read and heard spoken that provided the loving wisdom and direction I needed to break free of all that had hurt me. And it was the experiences I had in nature where I connected to love and spirit in a way I have no words for.

It was Love in its many forms that was always at the heart of what was most healing. 

Yet I didn’t get help until my pain was so great I didn’t know where else to turn. Everything I was doing to survive–repressing, distracting, overcompensating, turning on myself– you name it!– was not working. Going to therapy was a life-saving, love-opening move beyond anything I could have imagined. Can we ask ourselves as a country–how bad does it have to get, how much divisiveness, hatred, and escalating violence do we have to endure, how many people have to suffer and die before we bring the Family of America to therapy?

I think this may be the biggest challenge we face here in America… to admit that what we are doing isn’t working without blaming anyone, but with a focus on coming together to do everything possible to heal our human relations, to foster love and safe belonging for everyone.

It is a big shift, but I believe this is where we are headed. I believe this is where we really want to go, and I believe we have what it takes to make the leap to valuing, including, and caring for all human life– all life– if we are going to survive and thrive.

I was just one of many, many voices that were included at the INC. It’s going to take all our voices… and I hope you will add yours, however and wherever you are called.

Blessings- Phyllis