Evolution of Consciousness –The Sand in San Diego
I made a trip to San Diego to visit my daughter a few weeks ago. She so kindly invited several friends to come hear me speak about my book The Road Home: A Light In The Darkness. To help my nervousness, I wrote and rewrote an outline of what I hoped would be a succinct and powerful representation of some small part of the wisdom that had been given to me. My whole body vibrated with nervousness when I sat down to talk, but the words flowed and the listeners were all amazingly receptive, interested and affirming.
In fact, that one small talk was life-altering.
Let me say up front that my personality, my ordinary Phyllis Leavitt self, has no desire whatsoever to stand up before any size group, large or small, and give a talk. I’m not someone who ever wanted to be on stage. And yet there is something else operating in me that makes me speak anyway, puts me in a position to be a focus of attention despite the resistance of my personality.
And that part will not let me sleep in peace. Writing the book is apparently not enough for this part of me. No, it wants me to talk about it. I know now it is my Soul that calls me to speak. Certainly that is also the part of me that led me to write my book. But my Soul will not let me rest with that. It wakes me up out of the Sleep of my own Forgetting why I came here to earth this time around and it is relentless. There is no Tylenol PM or Ambien strong enough to quiet its insistent message in my brain or its vibration in my heart.
I know I asked for this challenge on some level that is probably beyond the scope of Phyllis Leavitt to ever feel totally comfortable with. So Phyllis Leavitt can’t really do this job. And that is the sheer beauty and perfection of it. It seems the whole point of the evolution of our consciousness is to have God and Soul become the guiding force that manifests through us—you and me– within our present day very ordinary selves.
The words are so big! Phyllis Leavitt is so small! Who does she think she is? She’s not the Dalai Lama or Buddha. She doesn’t even run a meditation center or teach yoga. But here is the overriding principle that God and Soul taught me—that consciousness evolution occurs through meeting a force of resistance in our ego and calling on the power of Soul to transform the energy of that resistance into some expression of Divine Love.
My Soul told me that consciousness evolution takes place though the work of creating Pearls from the Sand that gets under our skin. It’s not about rising above and it’s not about force or submission. It’s about actually transforming all pain, all difficulty, all fear– and resistance of any kind– into the Light and Love filled expression of our Souls.
And this message from Soul — to speak– is that Sand under my skin. I must have agreed to put it there before I ever came into this body, because believe me, I don’t think Phyllis Leavitt would ever have agreed to it!
But oddly enough, it was by working with all that Sand in San Diego—answering the call to give the talk that my Soul so wanted to give—that I experienced Phyllis actually stepping to the side of the stage. I don’t think there are words for what that experience was like, but I can tell you that despite all her resistance and fear—which was enormous—it felt so good, even to Phyllis. It was where the whole of me wanted to be.
Could it be that our ego doesn’t even really want to run this show? Can we help each other move all our egos to the side of the stage and let our Souls speak?