We had such a great trip planned— 3-4 weeks camping in the beautiful Zion and Bryce area of Utah. No reservations, no timetable, no work, no news.
And… it just was not meant to be.
Morning of day 3, our truck, which pulled our small travel trailer, died with a small but frightening explosion. Rich opened the hood and said, “We’re f—d!” And we were, as far as the trip went. Our scenic view that night was of the parking lot of a Valero Gas Station in Kayenta, Arizona.
(And, thanks to a number of blessings, we made it home safely and we have since bought a new truck and all is well on that level.)
Not as Planned, But A Source Of Great Learning
With all the horrors so many people are suffering here and around the world today, what happened to us was miniscule. No one was hurt and no lasting damage was done. Nevertheless, the stress and anxiety I experienced, the jolt to my nervous system, lasted days, left me immobilized at times, and I had to work hard to calm my nervous system down and return to ordinary functioning.
*****
A New Lens On Trauma
I have always thought of trauma in terms of its emotional impact— despair, fear, denial, anger, etc., and the maladaptive coping mechanisms and behaviors we develop, such as withdrawal, rigidity, addiction, passivity, and aggression.
I had never really focused on the fact that beneath the psychological damage of unhealed trauma (especially at human hands), our nervous systems can and do go completely out of whack — making it very hard, if not impossible, to think clearly, access our adult capacity to tolerate and manage stress, and find and express appropriate power.
So, while this may not be “new news“ to some of you, out of all this, I “got it” in a whole new way that trauma has a direct and often lasting effect on our nervous systems.
And one of the greatest activators of nervous system distress and malfunction— if not the greatest— is mistreatment by other people.
Rich and I were blessed. We were treated very kindly by everyone in Kayenta. Strangers stopped to help. The tow truck driver went way out of his way to help us, and my angel son Daniel, drove out and towed us all the way back to Taos.
And still it took me the next two weeks to settle my frazzled nerves.
So I could not help but think of what must be happening to the nervous systems of all the people here at home and around the world who are excluded from care, denied resources, hated, assaulted, who have witnessed the murders of loved ones and countless others, and who now (and in many cases historically) have nowhere to go, no haven, no friendly face to take them “home.”
I pray we can understand that they are suffering unimaginable nervous system pain and dis-regulation, that their coping mechanisms are severely compromised, if not shattered, and that they may never recover.
I pray we “get it” that it is psychologically predictable that many of them will turn their pain on themselves and other people.
And I pray we can stop blaming them for their symptoms and help them.
The big silver lining for me is that I now think about everything I say and do in a new way. What effect am I having on the nervous systems of the people I interact with? Do I contribute to their feeling cared for, heard, wanted, and safe— all the things that help restore our nervous systems to balance and optimal functioning? How quickly can I catch myself and turn things around when I get stuck in my own reactivity?
My prayer is that we as larger groups and nations look seriously at how we treat every single person in terms of the impact we have on our collective nervous system, that we understand that attacking the nervous systems of our own populace puts us all at risk, and that we begin to make helping people feel safe, wanted, and cared our highest national priority.
This must sound like pie-in-the-sky in today’s social/political climate. We are traumatizing countless people every hour of every day, and we aren’t even talking about the impact on our individual and collective nervous systems.
So let’s start talking about it!
*****
“On the path to peace, we will close the gap between Love and Politics”
*****
You can find me at www.phyllisleavitt.com
phyllis@phyllisleavitt.com
*****
Click here for my free PDF The 6 Secrets for Repairing Relationships After Conflict https://phyllisleavitt.com/wp-content/uploads/The-6-Secrets-To-Repairing-Relationships_-How-to-Reconnect-After-Conflict.pd
Take the Free Conflict Type Quiz on my homepage at www.phyllisleavitt.com, find out your Conflict Type, and receive the full PDF on all the Types
*****
America in Therapy: ORDER NOW from all major booksellers, and please write a review!
A Light in the Darkness
https://www.amazon.com/Into-Fire-Road-Home-2/dp/0998800007/
0 Comments