How often have we heard it said that we should put the past behind us? In the world of psychology, we know better. We know there’s no “off” switch on our memories and the experiences that shaped us. They are part of us. The past holds vital information about the patterns we’ve inherited, the stories we tell ourselves, and the unexamined beliefs that quietly shape our behaviors, choices, and relationships– for better or– often– for worse.
It is through remembering our past, not repressing or denying it, that we have the greatest possibility of breaking the cycle of our own dysfunction and pain. This is a fundamental understanding of psychology. It is what people come to therapy for– to free themselves from the destructive patterns they can’t stop repeating. That’s what brought me to therapy and I am forever grateful that I had a chance to uncover the sources of my pain and the unhealthy ways it was manifesting in my relationship life. Only then was I able to leave a hurtful marriage and begin the long but incredibly life-saving process of finding appropriate power, emotional safety, and loving relationships.
It is the same for a country as it is for an individual. Real healing begins with remembering our past– the good and the bad. That is why we must remember the unhealed traumas that countless immigrants brought with them when they came to America, fleeing poverty, persecution and war, that have manifested as cruelty and violence toward vulnerable individuals and groups, both historically and in the present day.
But, I wrote America in Therapy not a treatise on the evils of America’s past, but to share the best we have learned from psychology that takes us beyond judgment, beyond hatred, rage, shame, and the desire for revenge. America in Therapy takes us instead to a place of deep understanding, powerful compassion, and full accountability for the cruel and destructive beliefs and behaviors that have understandably arisen from unhealed intergenerational traumas.
This is the New Approach to Hope and Healing we so desperately need in our own lives and in America today.
Healing our wounds is the surest access to unleashing our greatest potentials.
When we dismiss the impact of our histories, we deny ourselves the chance to break free of what no longer serves us—and thus build on our inherent strengths. This is EXACTLY what the best therapy makes possible.
I know from personal experience that if I hadn’t made a deep dive into the most painful parts of my past, I could never have made the changes in my life I desperately needed to make– leave a dysfunctional marriage, become a psychotherapist, write three books, and remarry a loving partner.
My question for us in America in Therapy is this: Can we face the painful parts of our past as a nation– the unhealed traumas our immigrant ancestors brought with them and all the ways these traumas have been replayed ever since, while we also celebrate the courage, ingenuity, and resilience it took to start a new life in an unknown land and the magnificent accomplishments we have also made? Because we must know that when entire societies deny the violence and injustices of their past, they lose the chance to learn, grow, and make amends– some of the most important elements of healing– and they become stuck in cycles of repression, scapegoating, and polarization.
Why a psychological approach is the best hope we have for breaking the cycle of violence in America
The best psychology shifts our focus from shame, blame, and retribution to what there is to LEARN from the past, and learning from the past is the most effective way to access our greatest potential, become safe, loving, kind, cooperative, and connected to ourselves and others.
This is what therapy for America has to offer.
*****
For your own contemplation:
What patterns in your life might be asking to be seen more clearly—not so you can judge yourself, but so you can choose something new? What patterns in our country might be asking to be seen more clearly so that as a Family of America we can also choose something new?
*****
“On the path to peace, we will close the gap between Love and Politics”
*****
*****
You can find me at www.phyllisleavitt.com
phyllis@phyllisleavitt.com
*****
Click here for my free PDF The 6 Secrets for Repairing Relationships After Conflict https://phyllisleavitt.com/wp-content/uploads/The-6-Secrets-To-Repairing-Relationships_-How-to-Reconnect-After-Conflict.pd
Take the Free Conflict Type Quiz on my homepage at www.phyllisleavitt.com, find out your Conflict Type, and receive the full PDF on all the Types
*****
America in Therapy: ORDER NOW from all major booksellers, and please write a review!
A Light in the Darkness
https://www.amazon.com/Into-Fire-Road-Home-2/dp/0998800007/
0 Comments