On Saturday, I stood among the many protesters in Taos with my sign, doing my best to call out abuse of power while advocating love and non-violence. That’s my commitment in America in Therapy, as you may already know.
Many years ago, I read an unforgettable story. In the rubble of a Nazi concentration camp, the body of a man was found with one hand still clutching a crumpled piece of paper on which he had scribbled these words, “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” This man did not succumb to hate even in the worst hour of persecution. He died with loving compassion and forgiveness for his tormentors.
I want to LIVE the way he died because I know without question that hate only produces more hate. But I find it is no easy task. What does it really mean to forgive and keep loving in this world where the impulse toward brotherhood and reciprocal goodwill is losing its seat at the table?
In my own life, healing has brought me a deep understanding of all the ways trauma and its resulting pain are passed down from one person and one generation to the next. I know now that inside the perpetrator is an untreated victim who is inflicting on others the harm that was done to them. This is not an excuse for hateful and violent behavior, but it gives us a doorway into empathy while we hold ourselves and others accountable. It gives us a doorway back to our shared humanity and an understanding of how much we need to heal our collective human relations instead of justifying acting out our anger and pain.
It is this understanding that has made it possible for me to have moments of genuine forgiveness for the people I have felt most hurt by. Those moments are hard won, but what I have found is this– the way to keep from falling back into anger and disconnection is to speak my truth with as much understanding and love as I can muster, and be as open as I can to the response.
Speaking in this way – imperfectly at best– helps transform me from victim to change-agent myself, and it very often transforms my relationships as well.
Going to a demonstration is only one of millions of ways to have that voice in the larger world. Robin Kimmerer, author of “Braiding Sweetgrass,” said it well– something like this– we need equal parts outrage and love. And I’m thinking perhaps we must find a way to merge the two as we witness unthinkable cruelty being inflicted on so many in our world today.
Our hearts are breaking, and yet our hearts refuse to be broken.
I don’t believe we have to like what people do, and we don’t have to forgive in the ordinary sense. We don’t have to “take the high road.” Instead, we can use everything that comes our way as motivation to love more powerfully and speak out more effectively, which means non-violently.
I, for one, do not want to be afraid to speak love in this world that longs for love more than anything else. Though there are many people who appear not yet ready to give or receive love, I believe the planet and all of humanity are crying for Love. We can speak to that, and I believe we must never give up.
And so, that nameless man who died with a crumpled piece of paper in his hand—today he is my hero. Cruelty did not silence him. Even in death, he had his voice. Even in death, he spoke love.
We can do this now while we are still living.
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phyllis@phyllisleavitt.com
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A Light in the Darkness
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